It Was Always Him
by sophieee105
Summary: How could one conversation spin so out of control? K for now...
1. Chapter 1

**Ok so first off this is my first fanfiction so reviews would be great! Also in case some of you are wondering, yes I did upload this once upon a time but I went on an eight week camp and when I came back I sort of lost the inspiration. But now I have it back! So I have fixed this story up (or so I hope) and I intend to actually finish it this time! Umm this is set at the end of season 3 except Knockout didn't happen, so Monty's still alive and Kate hasn't been shot. Oh and Josh is still here... but not for long ;)**

**~ Sophie**

**Disclaimer: Insert witty remark about how A. Marlowe is a genius and I will never own Castle.**

Stepping off the elevator Kate Beckett dragged her feet to her apartment door. She scrambled in her bag for her keys, her fingers clutching them and pulling them out. As she went to put them into the lock her tired fingers slipped and the keys fell to the floor with a loud jangle. Letting out an exasperated sigh she leant her head against the door frame, this really wasn't her day. Taking a deep breath she gathered herself, bent to grab the keys and unlocked the door. Shutting it carefully behind her, Kate turned to find a shape sitting at her kitchen bench. It took her a moment before she realised the shape was actually her boyfriend, Josh. _Oh God, no, please, what is he doing here?_

"Josh" she stated bluntly.

"Katie, where have you been? I was beginning to worry."

She cringed at the pet name that she only allowed her father and once upon a time her mother to use.

"I was at work, you know that."

"It's late."

_Gee, well done Sherlock. _"It was a tough case."

He was silent for a moment, his dark eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but at her. Suddenly they snapped to her face and he burst out

"I still don't understand why you have to work until the early hours of the morning. You run yourself down, you barely eat, all that just for a simple case…"

"They're not just simple cases!" she snapped, outraged at his judgment. Simple! Every day she fought to find some sort of justice in the world and to bring peace to broken families. How could he, someone she was supposed to trust and someone who was supposed to understand her, call that simple.

"Yes they are! But you become too involved in them, you don't stop, they control your life! Sometimes I feel like there's no point in me being here, if chasing down suspects and almost getting yourself killed in the process, is more entertaining than just relaxing and watching a movie or something."

"Oh so you feel that you should be more important than catching murderers and putting them behind bars, so that the victim's family can have a little bit of closure!" she cried, getting more and more frustrated by the minute.

"That's not what I said."

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not and you know it. I just wonder sometimes whether you actually care about me. I mean do you think about me during the day? Are you excited to come home and see me? Are you happy when we just get to eat dinner and talk to each other about anything and everything?"

"Of course I care about you!" she practically yelled. Although a little voice inside her head whispered _Oh really, how much do you actually care?_

"Well it doesn't look that way!" he shouted equally as loud.

"Well what does it look like then?"

"It's him."

"Wha-what?" she said, confused at the sudden change in the conversation.

"It's him. It's always been him. You spend more time with him than me."

"That's because I work with him." He didn't need to say his name for her to know who he was talking about.

"You're making excuses. Castle this, Castle that, he's all you ever talk about it."

"I do not!" she cried, outraged. Ignoring that traitorous little voice inside her head, _Yes you do, and you know it._

"You do, and please don't deny it Kate."

They stood in silence for a moment, Kate fuming with her fists balled at her sides, Josh staring at the wall behind her head. The moment turned into minutes, stretching on and on, neither willing to give in first, but eventually Josh caved causing Kate's lips to twitch in a smirk. His head slumped as he muttered.

"I think I should go."

"I think that would be a good idea." She said in a constricted tone.

"No I mean, I think our time is up."

"U-up?" she stuttered.

"We're through. It kills me to say it, but I know, and I've known for some time now, that I never truly had you, you always belonged to _him_." He all but spat the last word out. "I wish that I could've made you happy, I wish that you could've let me make you happy… Oh for God's sake, who am I kidding! You always had that one foot out the door, didn't you? Every time I took a step forward, you took one back. You're a coward, your too afraid to let someone love you, to look after you, you think you can do it all on your own but you can't! You're weak."

Her head was spinning, her knees were shaking, she could feel the back of her eyes start to prick as he continued to rant and accuse her. Tightening her fists she managed to hiss out a couple of words.

"Get out."

"With pleasure" he replied before stepping around her, making sure to bump her shoulder as he went past. The second she heard the door slam behind him, she collapsed on the floor as waves of tears ran down her cheeks. Sobbing uncontrollably she wondered what the hell had just happened. She had come home, planning to have a long hot bath with a good book and a glass of red wine, but instead, had ended up having a screaming match with her now, ex-boyfriend.

* * *

She didn't know whether it was a few minutes or a few hours later that she pulled out her phone from her pocket and sat there, still on the hard wooden floor, with her thumb hovering over the keypad. Her brain was screaming at her that this was bad idea. But this time she listened to that little voice trying vainly to be heard over the screaming. _Call __him_. Staring at the name on the screen, she took a deep breath before hitting the call button and putting the phone to her ear. It rang only once before she heard his familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Ahh Detective to what do I owe this lovely pleasure?"

She let out a long sigh.

"Hey Castle."

**Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Woahh! Thank you so much to everyone who put this on story alert/favorited/reviewed, I really wasn't expecting so many people to like it. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but bare with me and if it's awful... let me know nicely? Also I'm really sorry I know this is super short (if I am honest with myself, it's the shortest damn thing I've ever seen) but I don't want the next bit to be a part of this.**

**Thanks again!**

**~ Sophie**

"Beckett, are you ok?" he said immediately.

"Umm… yeah, yeah I'm fine" she replied. _How does he always know when something's wrong?_

"No you're not."

There was a long silence as Kate fought mentally with herself about what she should say, S_hould I tell him, or brush it off, pretend I'm tired?_ She should have known what side would win in the end.

"Josh and I broke up."

"What?"

She sighed inwardly at his lack of comprehension, it really wasn't that difficult to understand.

"We broke up Castle, we're over, done, through, however you want to put it" she snapped back, annoyed at his inability to grasp the facts.

"Oh Kate, why?"

She was surprised at how genuinely concerned he sounded, she knew he was never overly fond of Josh despite the jokes he made, but it seemed as though he really was sorry.

"He said some things… and he realised something that I hadn't fully realised myself…" she trailed off, feeling tears well up in her eyes, as she relived the fight once more.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh the details aren't really that important" she replied quickly, mentally slapping herself for revealing, too much too soon. They sat in silence a while longer with Kate replaying the argument with Josh in her head. The more she thought about it, the more stressed she got, as though there was a war going on inside her head. One side happy that the relationship was over because if she was honest with herself she knew it was never going anywhere and the other upset that Josh would judge her like that and doubt her fidelity. She could feel the tears welling up again and fought to hold them back. She was saved by Castle blurting

"Do you want me to come over?"

Kate was touched that he would be willing to cancel out on whatever he was doing just so he could come over and keep her company. But all she really wanted to do was be alone, she needed some time to think things through and get her head around everything.

"Thankyou Castle, that's really sweet but I just need some alone time ok?" she sniffed.

"Of course… until tomorrow Detective"

She smiled at his choice of words.

"Bye Castle" she said simply.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Kate climbed out of the bathtub feeling very much relaxed. Putting on her pyjamas, she slipped into her bedroom, her feet padding softly on the floor. Sliding under the covers of the bed she leant over to the nightstand and grabbed a book, Naked Heat to be specific. Leaning back against the headboard, she started to read.

She hadn't been reading for long, when her eyes started to close and she found herself drifting off to sleep. Placing the well-read book back on the nightstand, she settled into the pillows. But before she could so much as close her eyes, her phone vibrated next to her, _No, please, not a case, why now?"_ Sighing she sat up and grabbed the phone. Staring at the screen, her face immediately lit up when she read the message.

_I'm sorry about you and Josh, I hope he didn't say anything awful, although I know a couple of tough detectives who could set him right… and I'd be happy to help. ;) _

_Castle_

Laughing, she clutched the phone to her chest and sank back down, falling into a peaceful sleep with a brilliant smile on her face.

**Now I understand what everyone is saying reviews are like the biggest boost! So... review?**


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